


MISSION : IMPOSSIBLE

by Atria_saal



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Texting, chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 08:40:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18517903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atria_saal/pseuds/Atria_saal
Summary: Shepard needs advice to solve a problem, she created a group to discuss with her teammate.





	MISSION : IMPOSSIBLE

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so may be you'll find some weird words. I hope you will enjoy. I had this idea by reading a very funny fiction about the Justice League chat.  
> Feel free to comment. Thanks

 

**MISSION : IMPOSSIBLE**

EDI, Kasumi, Garrus, Grunt, Jacob, Jack, Tali, Thane, Samara, You

 

* * *

 

 

**Shepard**

I can not sleep. Is there anyone?                                                                                                  1:58 am

 

**Garrus**

Shepard, it's 2am! What is happening? Are you sick?  Dying?                                                         2:05

**Tali**

If you are dying, why create this group? What is this Mission: Impossible?                                    2: 06

**Kasumi**

May be it's to say goodbye without wasting time ... RIP Shepard                                                     2: 06

 

**EDI**

Mission: Impossible was the name of a series of action movies shot on Earth,

About 200 years ago.                                                                                                                    2: 06

 

**Shepard**

I'm not dying, but almost ... I need your help guys.                                                                       2: 07

 

**Garrus**

Add Chakwas on the chat, I'm sure she'll find you a cure                                                               2: 08

 

**EDI**

Shepard, aside from an influx of blood to your face, I do not detect

anything that shows that you are on the verge of death.

Do you want me to wake Dr. Chakwas?                                                                                           2: 09

 

  _[Chakwas is now part of the group ... added by EDI 2: 09 am]_

 

 

**Shepard**

No !!!! no need EDI                                                                                                                         2: 09

 

**Kasumi**

Not fast enough Shepard!                                                                                                              2: 09

 

**EDI**

Sorry Shepard, I thought you needed help?                                                                                    2: 09

 

**Shepard**

EDI, I'm not sick ... well, if I think ... it's complicated!                                                                     2: 10

 

**Tali**

I would have liked to see this films of actions, we can plan a

evening ... you and me Vakarian?                                                                                                    2: 11

 

**EDI**

Tali should I remind you, that you are already with Garrus in the same room at

middle of the night?                                                                                                                        2: 11

 

**Tali**

Bosh'tet !!! EDI can you stop watching us ...                                                                                     2: 12

 

**Jack**

Holy Fuck ... .Ha ha ha. I knew it Garrus, with all these calibrations :)

If anyone has a fever tomorrow in the engine room, we'll know why.

Daniels and Donnelly need to be notified to get ready.                                                                  2: 13

 

_[Daniels is now part of the group ... added by Jack 2: 14am]_

_[Donnelly is now part of the group ... added by Jack 2: 14am]_

 

**Garrus**

You know me ... always a "shot" in advance                                                                                   2: 14

 

**Tali**

Vakarian !!!!!!!                                                                                                                                2: 14am

 

**Joker**

Garrus all the calibrations you did on your own ...

I do not even want to imagine what it could be ;-)                                                                         2:15

 

**Tali**

I am shocked, there is a young teenager on this group!                                                                 2: 15

 

_[Grunt was removed from the group ... by Tali at 2:15 am]_

 

**Jack**

He won’t die Taly ! What does not kill you, makes you stronger                                                      2: 16

 

_[Grunt is now part of the group ... added by Jack 2: 16 am]_

**Shepard**

It starts getting out of control, I did not create this group for that                                                2: 16

 

**Shepard**

I really need your help guys!                                                                                                          2: 16

 

**Tali**

Give me time to kill Garrus and bury his body ... and I'm yours                                                     2: 16

 

**Thane**

Shepard, just give me the name of the target                                                                                2: 17

 

**Grunt**

Shepard! I am on it. As soon as there are bones to break. Impossible is not Krogan!                      2:17                                                                                                                                     

 

**Shepard**

Certainly not! There is no one to kill!                                                                                            2: 18

 

**Grunt**

Shepard! If there is no corpse, it's not worth putting me in

an impossible mission group !                                                                                                      2: 18

 

**Shepard**

 Why must you be so violent?                                                                                                        2:18

 

**Jack**

Said the woman who erased an entire planet of Batarians                                                              2:18

 

**Tali**

I'm back ...                                                                                                                                     2: 19

 

**Jack**

Tali ... how did you kill the Turian, he must be hard under his shell?                                             2: 19

 

**Tali**

Hmm ... no comment                                                                                                                     2: 19

 

**Garrus**

She is killing me softly ...                                                                                                               2: 20

 

**EDI**

At the risk of contradicting you Garrus, your heart rate is rather high for

someone who is slowly killed                                                                                                                2: 20

 

**Jack**

Holy fuck ... I go down to my cabin                                                                                                2: 21

 

**Grunt**

I know ways to kill faster Tali ... no time to lose                                                                             2: 22

 

**Tali**

Grunt thank you, do not bother, I'm doing very well                                                                       2: 22

 

**Garrus**

Yes ... she is doing very well                                                                                                          2: 23

 

**Tali**

Grunt finally, I think it will be useful! Shepard as Garrus is your friend, after he dies,                                          

He will wait for you in heaven, next to the bar                                                                               2: 23

 

**Shepard**

Guys!!! can we come back to my problem???                                                                                  2: 24

 

**Thane**

Give me the name of the target Shepard                                                                                        2: 25

 

**Shepard**

There is no target, finally yes, but I do not want to kill her                                                            2: 26

 

**Kasumi**

If it's something to steal, I'm doing it. Just tell me what ...                                                             2: 26

 

**Jacob**

Wait, give me some time to read everything                                                                                  2: 28

 

**Samara**

I think it's a heart problem                                                                                                            2: 28

 

**Chakwas**

Commander, if you have palpitations it may be due to anxiety

I'm waiting for you at the infirmary at 8am for a complete check up.

From there we will advise. EDI can you do a cardiac monitoring of the commander

for the next 24h.                                                                                                                               2: 29

 

**EDI**

Currently, I noticed an acceleration of the heart rate, as well as a

Elevation of the corporal's body temperature for several months

  at specific times.                                                                                                                          2: 29

 

**Chakwas**

Which moments?                                                                                                                            2: 30

 

**Shepard**

EDI. Stop, I'll see the doctor in the morning                                                                                    2:30

 

**EDI**

As you wish Shepard                                                                                                                      2: 30

 

**Shepard**

I think I met the woman of my life                                                                                                  2: 35

 

**EDI**

Shepard if my datas are correct it's been several months since you met ... technically                       2: 35

 

**Garrus**

Where ? When                ?                                                                                                              2: 36

 

**Joker**

Commander you want to sleep with her, date her, or marry her?                                                   2: 36

 

**Jack**

Are you stupid or what?! She said "the woman of her life"!                                                            2: 37

 

**Shepard**

Joker ... I want the full package, not necessarily in that order,

I just want to marry her and move to the honeymoon stage                                                          2: 37

 

**Kasumi**

It's too romantic Shepard <3                                                                                                        2: 37

 

**Joker**

Well, well, not worth it I recommend the holos of Vaenia                                                               2: 38

 

**Jack**

What obsessed, I wonder what you do in the cockpit  when you do not pilot?                               2: 38

 

**EDI**

Jeff does not get bored, he has more than 100 zetabits of explicit images

banned for Alliance staff in his personal files                                                                               2: 38

 

**Joker**

Thanks EDI ...                                                                                                                               2: 38

 

**EDI**

My pleasure, Jeff                                                                                                                           2: 38

 

**Kasumi**

100 zetabits? Wow ... Me who thought I knew everything about you                                             2: 39

 

**Samara**

As I said, it's a heart problem                                                                                                       2: 39

 

**Grunt**

Shepard, do it like a Krogan!                                                                                                         2: 39

 

**Shepard**

What do you mean, Grunt?                                                                                                            2: 40

**Tali**

???                                                                                                                                                 2: 40

 **Jack**                                                                                           

???                                                                                                                                                 2: 40

**Kasumi**

???                                                                                                                                                 2: 40

**EDI**

??? I think I am a woman                                                                                                                2: 40

**Garrus**

??? I will follow Tali by female solidarity                                                                                         2: 41

**Samara**

??? Even if Asaris have no gender                                                                                                   2: 41

 

**Joker**

Garrus I did not notice you were a woman!                                                                                     2: 41

 

**Grunt**

The krogan male dominant takes the female he likes whether she agrees or not ...   problem solved                                                                                                                                             2: 42

 

_[Grunt is banned from the group ... by Jack 2: 42am]_

 

**Tali**

How is she ? How come you never talked about her?                                                                    2: 43

 

**Shepard**

She is perfect! She is beautiful, smart ... she has a gorgeous body

Beautiful eyes ... every time I see her I only have one desire It's kissing her.                                 2: 44

 

**EDI**

Shepard your heart rate is too fast, Do you need assistance?                                                        2: 44 am

 

**Kasumi**

It's not an impossible mission, Shepard you're in love it's all                                                         2: 45

 

**Shepard**

I already know that... but I do not know how to tell her,

even after several months                                                                                                             2: 45

 

**Tali**

Ha ... that's the impossible mission                                                                                               2: 45

 

**Shepard**

Whenever I try to talk to her, I stammer, I lose my words,

 I become stupid                                                                                                                           2: 46

 

**Jack**

Shepard, Believe me you don't have to be in love to fulfill the last words sometime                       2: 46

 

**EDI**

Shepard, there is important information you need to know                                                            2: 46

 

**Shepard**

If it's not a matter of life or death, it can wait EDI !

When I'm with her I literally panic ... she has to think that I really stupid.                                       2: 47

 

**Jacob**

Come on Shepard! you killed Saren, Sovereign, the Harvesters! Do not tell me that you are

afraid to declare your flame to the woman of your life?

 Something tells me she expects it!                                                                                               2: 47

 

**Kasumi**

Offer her flowers and write her a letter                                                                                           2: 48

 

**Jacob**

Find a way to tell her that you love her, maybe it's mutual!                                                            2: 48

 

**Shepard**

I'm so scared Jacob. It was easier to kill Saren                                                                                2: 49

 

**EDI**

Shepard, I have to tell you something…                                                                                          2: 50

 

**Shepard**

Later EDI… Later                                                                                                                              2: 50

 

_[Miss Perfect is now part of the group ... added by Admin M L Cerberus Network 2: 51am]_

 

**Jack**

Cheerleader! Why am I not surprised you're the network administrator!                                       2: 52

 

**Shepard**

OMG! OMG! OMG!  She is there! OMG                                                                                           2: 52

 

**EDI**

Shepard, I tried to warn you                                                                                                          2:52

 

**Miss Perfect**

I have an impossible mission too! How to make Shepard understand that

I'm crazy about her. It's been months that I'm giving her all kinds of signals...

she makes no move. Every time I try to talk to her, she runs away                                                 2: 53

 

**Shepard**

EDI calls Dr. Chakwas, I cannot breathe anymore                                                                            2:54

 

**Miss Perfect**

EDI, do not bother Dr. Chakwas. I'll take care of the commander myself,

and provide first aid personally.                                                                                                     2:55             


End file.
